*Sroll down for English version
Oh, the first kiss... Svi o njemu govore kao o nečemu čega se rado sećaju, nečemu što se više neće ponoviti. Slažem se, ne ponavlja se. Ali, ne po lepom osećanju koje ga ja pratilo, već bih pre rekla po neprijatnosti koju je doneo.
Barem je moje iskustvo bilo takvo. Uopšte se ne sećam leptirića u stomaku. Pre bih rekla da sam imala osećaj kao da me je neko zaista lupio u stomak. Samo sam htela da nestanem i pobegnem od svih pitanja koja su mi se motala po glavi: da li sam sve dobro ODRADILA? jel to bilo to? šta ako sam negde pogrešila? šta ako je neko gledao dok smo se ljubili, pa sam smešno izgledala?
Možda je to kod mene tako izgledalo zato što sam bila na ulasku u pubertet, puna pitanja tipa ko sam? šta će drugi misliti o meni? A možda je to bilo i zbog toga što je i mom "saborcu" to takođe bio prvi poljubac. Ni on nije znao šta radi, niti šta ga je snašlo. Sećam se da smo bili najmlađi na tom rođendanu, i svi su navijali za to da nas spoje, tj. da "krenemo zajedno" jer smo oboje već neko vreme gajili međusobne simpatije. Pa su i svetla ugasili, da bismo mi to "odradili". A on, jadničak.. Imala sam osećaj da su mu pre toga objasnili šta i kako tačno treba da radi i da je on bio vođen samo tim instrukcijama. Spontanost, šta je to?
Kada se tih par minuta završilo, bila sam u fazonu "to je to?! Bljak!" Posle toga sam ga na žalost gledala drugim očima, i gledala da izbegnem ponavaljanje iste situacije.
I prošlo je jedno dve godine dok se nisam ponovo sa nekim poljubila. Zbog tog iskustva, a i zbog toga što sam nakon događaja razvila jedan poseban strah zvani "ako se ponovo poljubim, biću laka ženska". Imala sam oko 14 godina kada sam doživela taj svoj prvi poljubac, i mislila sam da je to jako rano. Naredne dve godine, dok su drugarice jedna po jedna doživljavale iskustvo svog prvog poljupca, ja sam svo vreme glumila kako ne znam o čemu pričaju, i zajedno se sa onima "bez iskustva" pitala "kad će to meni da se desi?". O pubertetska nesigurnosti moja!!
Kakva su vaša iskustva sa prvim poljupcem? Da li je bilo leptirića?
Ovaj post je odgovor na zadatak u okviru Throwback Thursdays, sa jednog od mojih omiljenih blogova Life of Bon. Njegova autorka je jedna mlada, vrcava profesorka engleskog, sa odličnim, inteligentno-ciničnim smislom za humor, i nepresušnim idejama. Obavezno posetite njen blog. Verujte mi, nećete moći da se odvojite od njega!
Oh, the first kiss... Everybody talks about it as something they like to remember, something that will never happen again. I agree, it doesn`t repeat. But, not because it has a great feeling with it, but rather bccause the awkwardness that it brings.
At least my experience was like that. I don`t remember butterflies in the stomach at all. I would rather say that it was more like someone literally had punched me in the stomach. I just wanted to disappear and run away from all the questions in my head: did I do everything properly? was that it? what if I did something wrong? what if someone was watching while we were kissing, and I looked funny?
Maybe it was because of the fact that it happened at the time I was reaching puberty, and I was fool of questions like who am I? what will others think of me? And maybe it was because for my partner in suffering it was also the first time. He also didn`t know what to do, and was happening to him. I remember being on a birthday party on which we were the youngest, and everybody wanted to help us hook up, since we had a crush on each other for awhile. They even turned out the lights for a few minutes, just because of us. Oh, poor him.. I had the feeling that they had explained him "the routine" previously, and exactly what and how to do, and it was like all the time he was thinking about the technique and was said to him. Spontaneity, what is that?
And when it was over after a few minutes, I was like: "what? that was that? yikes!" Unfortunately, after that experience, I was looking him with different eyes, and I was just looking how to avoid him and to prevent that whole situation to repeat.
And it took me to years to kiss again. Because all that experience, and because I developed kind of a fear afterwards named "if I kiss again, I`m a slut". I was 14 then, and I thought that it was to early for the first kiss. Next 2 years, while my friends were experiencing those first kiss moments, I was pretending not to know about what they were talking, and was wondering, with those who still hadn`t been kissed, about "when it`ll happen to me". Oh my puberty uncertainty!!
What are your first kiss experiences? Were there any butterflies?
This is the post written as a reply to the task of this weeks Throwback Thursdays, from one of my favourite blogs Life of Bon. It`s author is one young, witty English teacher with mind blowing, intelligently-cinical sense of humor, and neverending ideas. Be sure to check her blog out. I`m sure you`ll soon get addicted to it.