Čekajući Gospodina Pravog ///// Waiting for Mr Right

*Scroll down for English version

Prethodni post u kom smo pričali o ljubavi je izazvao vašu veliku pažnju. Izuzetno mi je drago i puno vam hvala zbog toga. Pre svega jer je u pitanju jedna tako životna tema, a i zbog toga što ste rado iznosili svoja mišljenja. Razlog vođenja bloga meni je pre svega zbog te razmene mišljenja, pa neka je i sa dve osobe. 

Shvatila sam da o ljubavi, životu uopšte i svemu onome što on nosi, uvek imam nešto da kažem. Pre svega kao čovek, ali verovatno i kao psiholog. Iako mislim da o tim temama uglavnom pišem na osnovu svog iskustva, verovatno se neplanirano u tekst ponekad utka i neki stav izgrađen na osnovu teorijskog znanja iz psihologije. U svakom slučaju, sa desne strane ovog posta moći ćete da vidite novo dugme Psychology. Tu će biti svi postovi koji se na bilo koji način tiču ljubavi, odnosa sa ljudima, emocija i svega onoga što se jednom rečju može nazvati - život!

Uporedo sa ovim blogom u početku sam vodila još jedan. Na njemu je u par navrata bilo nekoliko tekstova sličnih ovom u kojem smo se bavili ljubavlju, i oni su takođe naišli na dobar odziv kod čitaoca. Kako veliki broj vas nije pratio taj blog, pomislila sam da neke od tih tekstova (doduše malo dorađene) opet podelim sa vama, i tako započnem još neke kvalitetne diskusije. Nekako mi je logičan nastavak ovom prethodnom, ili tačnije početak onog u kojem smo se bavili održavanjem ljubavi, priča o tome kako naći Gospodina Pravog? Takođe se pitamo da li on uopšte postoji?


Često čujem priče o "princu na belom konju". Kao i razmišljanja o tome da li je verovanje u njegovo postojanje samo mit ili takvog stvarno treba i očekivati? Pa onda modernu verziju tog mita: nema princa na belom konju, već samo konj? 

Da li stvarno treba očekivati takvog dasu, ili nam takva razmišljanja o njemu samo otežavaju ionako već komplikovanu situaciju muško-ženskih odnosa?

Još od malih nogu crtaći nam urezuju očekivanja da takav princ zaista postoji. Međutim, u crtaćima uvek postoji i zlo, i komplikacije, kameni spoticanja i prepreke u ostvarenju te ljubavi. Ali, ljudi ipak nekako vole da pamte samo dobro, pa im od svega iz tih crtaća ostane samo ideja o princu na belom konju, koji dolazi i spašava stvar i samo nas digne na konja i vodi u "happily ever after" život, bez da smo morali prst da pomerimo. 

A kod dečaka (a bogami i ponekih devojčica) onda dolazi period gledanja nekih drugih filmova, koji takođe utiču na oblikovanje njegovih očekivanja od žene. Naravno, potpuno različitih od onih koje ona ima od sebe u tom odnosu.

Pa onda dolaze prve ljubavi, i prva razočarenja.. I cela ideja o princu sada se samo još više komplikuje. Pored tog nekog opšteg savršenstva koje je on nosio, on sada treba da zadovolji i mnoge druge kriterijume: da ume da komunicira, da sluša, da zna da se provodi, da ga zavole i drugarice, pa roditelji. A kako smo starije tome se dodaju i očekivanja tipa: da se ne plaši vezivanja, da je samostalan, uspešan, odgovoran, da ima inicijativu, i tome slično. Da li je on možda taj? Ili je to ovaj? A najvažnije od svega je sledeće: da zna da ja postojim, i da samo dođe i pokupi me, kad se najmanje budem nadala. Ili još bolje: kad ga najviše budem želela!

Epa, teško da je tako u realnom životu.

Moja verzija mita o princu na belom konju je sledeća: ne postoji ni takav, a baš ni samo konj. Postoji princ, ali bez konja, sa dovoljno snažnim rukama da te podigne i ponese duž zajedničkog puta. Ali, povremeno te puštajući da pešačiš, jer on ipak nije iz bajke, i jer i on ima pravo da se umori.

Drugim rečima, sve se svodi na jednostavnu stvar: princ je onaj koji me voli, sa svim mojim manama, sa kojim ne moram imati filmska iskustva da bih znala da ga volim. I sa kojim upravo zbog neočekivanja takvih iskustava svaki dan proživljavam film!

A ako se ni pored ovakvih očekivanja ne pojavi, treba na umu imati ovo:


Ko je za vas princ na belom konju?

English version


Previous post about keeping love caught lot of your attention. I`m very thankful for that. Primarly, because it`s one such lively topic and because you were giving your opinions about it. For me, the main purpose of running this blog is exchange of opinions and running of constructive discussions. Even if it`s with two people.

I realize that I have a lot to say, when it comes to life and similar topics. Mainly as a human and a woman, but sometimes as a psychologist too. Even though I think that I write mainly from my life experience, probably very often some psychological point of view runs through these lines. Subconsciously or not. Anyway, now you will be able to see one more button right from this post, called Psychology, which will directly lead to my writings about love, relationships, emotions and all other topics related to life!

At the same time with this blog I was running another one. I had a few similar texts there, which were about love and life, and they had also had a great response with readers. Since many of you didn`t follow me there, I was thinking to share these texts with you here and change them a little, where`s needed. Somehow a logical beginning and a story that comes before the one where we were talking about keeping love, is the one about Mr Right. How to find him and does he really exist?

I often hear stories about prince charming. Also about thinking whether believing in his existence is just a myth or that person maybe really exist? And then about modern version of that myth: there`s no prince charming, but only the horse, without a prince?

Should one hope for this kind of a man, or are these kind of thinking just making this already complicated man/woman situation even harder?

Since we are little, cartoons are forming the expectations that prince charming really exist. However, in the cartoons there`s also evil, complications, stepping stones and other limitations to realization of a true love.

However, people like to remember only good things, so after all those cartoons, they remember only the idea of prince charming, who comes and saves the day by only lifting us on the horse, and take us to "happily ever after" life, without us even moving a finger.

And in boys` life (and of some girls) then comes watching some other kind of movies, that also form their expectations of girls. Of course, expectations that are completely different than the ones girls are having... 

And then comes first love, first disappointments.. And the whole idea of the prince now gets more complicated. beside that general perfections he had, he now has to satisfy some other criteria too: to know how to communicate, to listen, to know how to have a good time, to be loved by friends, parents... And as we are getting older, we are adding some other expectations: he is not to be afraid of commitment, has to be independent, successful, responsible, to have initiative, and so on. Is this maybe the one? Or this one?


And the most important thing of all is this: he has to know that I exist. and to just come and pick me up, when I least expect it. Or even better: when I most want him!

Well, no way..

My version of prince charming is as follows: there`s no such prince, but neither only the horse. There`s a prince, but without a horse, with arms strong enough to lift you up and bring you on your common road. However, with occasional letting you walk on your own, because he`s not from a fairytale, and he has the right to get tired.

In the end, everything comes to one simple thing: a prince is someone who loves me... with all my flaws... with whom I don`t have to have movie experiences to realize that I love him. And with whom esactlz because of these expectations, every day is like in the movie.

What is prince charming for you?


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